The most anticipated nightclub ever is almost here
NEW YORK CITY, NY – There’s a new nightclub coming to town and it involves an in-house tattoo parlor, a waterboarding room, and an on-site ambulance. It’s called Club Scale, it’s located in the Meatpacking District, and it’s the newest nightlife venture by secretive Parisian nightlife veteran André Simon Beauregard (previously the owner of Sharqq, Le Petit Sphynx, and Oyvey).
Some clubs have an invite-only VIP area — at Scale, the entire club is VIP. We’re not talking guest list, we’re talking face control. Beauregard guarantees over 70% celebrities every night along with a mix of models who don’t speak English, underage girls who go to fashion school, pretentious art world gallerinas, and boring dudes who work in finance.
You’ll be blown away by the club’s incredible design. The decor is 1920’s Paris speakeasy meets Victorian Hunting Lodge meets 1980’s New York City Homeless Shelter as commandeered by Martha Stewart if she was in The Sex Pistols. 63,000 square feet has never felt so intimate.
Jay Cee (left) and Victor, the doormen who curate the velvet rope at Scale.
At the bar, craft cocktails are poured by master mixologist Bartholomew Augustine. His signature cocktail is a Bloody Mary variation called the Wimpy Teddy which features Cachaca rum, Aperol, Edison lightbulbs, Hoboken dirt, and muddled lamb livers. It’s garnished with healing crystals and pieces of a fedora worn by Joe DiMaggio.
Of course, this brand of luxury comes at a price. Drink prices start at $28 and bottle service tables start at $16,000. And high rollers can get a 30-liter bottle of Ace of Spades champagne delivered from an airplane by a skydiver covered in disco balls for $75,000 (weather permitting).
“Scale isn’t like any other club,” says Beauregard. “It is a mix of luxury and humidity, debauchery and douchebaggery. It is totally original. The ceiling is made from pieces of the Berlin Wall so the energy is great. The room is full of amazing thought provoking art by Banksy, Rauschenberg, and George W. Bush. It is furnished with tufted couches made out of Ostrich leather and pillows stuffed with David Hasselhoff’s chest hair. But most of all, it’s about our great customer service that keeps people coming back. That’s why our bathroom sommelier knows your favorite toilet paper.”
More info on the club’s staff, location, and opening date and will be revealed soon so join the club’s VIP list to get all the dirt. You can also follow Scale on Twitter @ClubScale and on Facebook. To contact a Scale representative, email firstname.lastname@example.org.